Saturday, September 02, 2006

Surfing and Acceptance

It's absolutely amazing how much a physical activity can teach you about yourself. I just came back from surfing for the very first time. I totally fell in love with it. It was just the most beautiful manifestation of how to deal with life I have experienced. Everything that I struggle with as a person, I struggle with on the board. I learned about myself today. It was DEEP. Something about the ocean is so soothing for me. Today was learning how to not try and beat it, the ocean is massive, it is strong, but allowing myself to flow through a wave is much more effective then trying to crash against it. I doubt I'll ever be able to live long term in a place without a large body of water. I really just so incredibly enjoy it. The feeling of letting it take me in the directions it chooses...

I know it's sounds dramatic ya'll but it's like communicating with God. Or at least how it should be communicating with God. You ask for the knowledge of your body to better know how you get carried through a wave. You ask not to defeat but to commune. You ask how do I let go of my instinct to conquer and pull from my instinct to just be. There was a point in time where I was asking for the peace to not criticize myself for not getting it because it didn't leave me the room to just flow and try again. When I actually started to learn how to get on my board was the moment I accepted that I did not have the upper body strength to get myself on and I needed to figure out how to allow the strength of the ocean and my legs to help me. My life has been this struggle. Accepting that I can't do it all but looking to and trusting that the world and God will take care of me. MAN. I am hooked.

I have never enjoyed something I am so God awful at so much. I love the learning in the process. After a while, even eating it and crashing into water was a joy. I laughed so hard. I smiled a lot. I screamed. It's hysterical for me that after years of dreading being in swimsuits, today akward and gangly floppin around everywhere, I felt beautiful. Yay for finding a
sport I enjoy working at... finally. Yay for weekend number two featuring water as a prominent character. Oh the archetypes. My senior year English teacher would be so proud. I hope your labor day weeknds are going as fabulously as mine. Enjoy.

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