Sunday, January 28, 2007

Good Women

Can I tell you, I love being a good woman.

I have often had conversations where I bemoan my good girl tendancies and wish I had it in me to be a little more bad. What would life be like, I have thought, if I just allowed myself to really mess up. To just not care about morals or reprecussions. I realize as I lay here in bed enjoying the comfort of my room and thinking about my week, that I my friends, am full of shit. I love being a good woman and I doubt I would ever trade it for anything else.

Last night, I went out with a group of gal pals. We went to this place called Tunnel Top. It was a fun bar, good male to female ratio (depending on whether you were asking me or a guy there) and there was this group of men from out of town. They were a funny group of guys and as we started to make conversation with them, one of my friends however, pointed out the shiny glint of wedding bands on all of them. I had a laugh, let them buy me drinks, joked around with them. But there was a point in the night where lines were being crossed. I could see some of my gal pals folding on some of the pieces that I know usually would matter a lot.

I sat there for a good second, a married mans arm around me, thinking, how big of a deal is this? And that is when I backed away. I knew in that moment, no amount of validation, alcohol, male appreciation, would ever make any line crossing okay.

Please understand, this is not a knock on the women I was with. I mean I get it. It's tough in those moments to really back away. You've loosened your inhibitions, you are feeling like being appreciated as a woman, and its nice. Each of us has to find the line. I just love that for myself, the line is so clear and that my heart really speaks up loud in those moments. I think, for myself, I felt more beautiful walking away then I ever would have staying. And for that, thank you heart, for taking me down the paths that honor who I am.

1 comment:

Homegirlsays said...

gorgeously put,its just a shame not everybody works like that.