Wednesday, February 28, 2007

Just a thought for my fellow survivors...

So I was walking down the street in DC tonight. It was fairly late, a few bums, the general ask for money and lude comments about my butt. It's always a vocal assault about my butt or my boobs with offensive men really. Sorry to break it to them, but they are mine, they will never be owned by the cat caller, much as you may think that might work. ;c)

But I digress. So I had a random thought. As one of them shouted an obscenity about my ass, I gave the "Touch me and I'll put a heel in your eye, mofo" look. It reminded me about the anger I had at my attacker when I was boxing.

Your bodies immediate instinctual reaction to violence is to protect itself. Anger will spur you to guard your body and attack another. This instinct for "how dare you invade what is mine"

But as survivors know, as we recooperate, the distance makes us blame ourselves. What did I do wrong? How can I take away blame from the attacker and push it to myself. Why is that? Is it because we are the only ones we can bare to punish?

Maybe a part of the healing process is finding a way to connect with the ass-kicker in you. The person that you become when its not about analysis, but intuition and impulse.

What do you think?

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