Sunday, February 18, 2007

A New Place

I'm happy. It took me a year and a half since the assault to get there, but I gotta tell you, I'm happy. Life is just different now. The predominant thought in my head is no longer the many ways that I need to protect myself, its how much I deserve to enjoy the world around me.

Yesterday was a wondeful day for me, mellow, in the ways that good days are. I woke up early, dressed for me, met some old coworkers for lunch, read in the sunshine of a beautiful park, took notes on a gorgeous book, met up with a really cool guy, had dinner with my roommate/best friend, went out dancing with a great friend and came home drunk more off of my own happiness than vodka (though the vodka did help). Today, I woke up, powered through my hangover, went up to twin peaks, still the best place in the city if you ask me, and let the sunshine dance on my skin.

There is so much beauty in struggle ya'll. It's like all the scars of the last two years are my merit badges. I keep them in my coat and show them to those I believe deserving enough to see. How wonderful to transition from letting them be my walls to letting them be my honor. I feel in my heart the love I have to give to the world and it feels good. I trust that the world deserves it and I give it with joy.

Happy, contrary to popular belief, is not a destination. It is what happens when you live and dream to your hearts content. Even in times when it is dark, the dream that you will see the world as it lights up again, is enough to get you through. As light bearers it is our responsibility to show those bereft of the light, possibility. That journey, helps you find your place in the world. I feel so at peace right now. Though I know its a peak in what is sure to be another journey, I find myself not caring. I fuckin love the ride.

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